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Suck it in

Posted by Abi Kwok on February 16, 2009

I’m starting to get scared.

I am a (relatively) young woman working in the shitworld that is media. I came in all wide-eyed, scared in an ‘oh-goody-an-adventure’ sort of way, hoping to live life and write my heart out for everyone to read and appreciate. I never expected the whole industry to be this dirty.

Lately I (we) have been receiving these below-the-belt e-mails from an anonymous person/group attacking certain persons in the media. And I’m scared for a number of things:

1. It could happen to me. I could be attacked behind my back. Does that mean I have to watch my every move? I guess so, but I console myself into thinking that if you do things right and you believe in what you do, then you will have no problems. But then the coward part of me is thinking, if they make up such mean things about me, my li’l heart can only take so much;

2. I wouldn’t know who to trust. After reading oh so many dirty e-mails, you start to think about a number of possibilities: a. your closest reporter-friend can be the one behind the attacks; b. your sources can also be suspects and then you start to get paranoid and worry about what you do and what you write (especially in my case, coz I don’t want to be a hypocrite and act like a diva and say that I can handle these things when I know I can’t);

3. Because I am young and nobody warned me about this in college. I know they always say that you can’t learn everything inside the classroom, but THAT is definitely an understatement.

Sometimes I miss being a GA (general assignment) reporter. That way you don’t get too immersed in a beat and you don’t get involved in all the controversies, the briberies, and the other dirty stuff. You merely wait for an assignment, do it, go home, and sleep.

But for now I will go with my mantra, “Suck it in, Abi. You can do it.”

G’night folks 🙂


One Response to “Suck it in”

  1. You’ve got to be strong girl, I’ve had the same experience but thank god not as worse. 🙂 I’ve been included in two white papers, after purportedly receiving a rolex from a police general admirer. It was hard but well, it’s not true so what the heck 🙂 so watch your back, crame is really a dangerous beat 🙂

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