Inside out

Random musings in and outside the news

Thoughts for today.

Posted by Abi Kwok on September 7, 2008

I was told that I was insensitive; that I thought only of myself and not of others; that I was selfish and self-centered. The thing is, no matter how realistic and practical I tell myself I am, I’m not. There’s this part of me that’s stuck inside this fairy tale book that always wishes for a happy ending. I just wish that that happy ending will come soon.

I ask myself sometimes why I put up with this relationship. Is it because I don’t want to be alone? Am I in love? Or am I just…scared? Yes, I do want to get out of this relationship sometimes. There’s a part of me – a significant part – that’s just struggling to be free…free to do the things I want but can’t do because I’m constrained by a 10-letter word.

I was told that I can’t handle commitments. Yeah, maybe I can’t. The thing is, I haven’t given my problem much thought because I was caught up with work last week. The whole week I was thinking of nothing but work, being in a new environment, and being alone. I just wanted someone to support me. And the sad part is, the person I needed support from is exactly the one who wouldn’t give me one. Irony times 10.

I am literally hanging by a thread right now. The slightest breeze can blow me away and I can’t do anything but let go. To quote John Mayer on his break-up with Jennifer Aniston:

I guarantee you [that] 20 percent of the people on this street right now who are in a relationship wish they could get out but they don’t know how

I need a sincere hug…:-)

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2 Responses to “Thoughts for today.”

  1. Anna D. said

    –hope the image shows, lol
    /hug

    This post reminds me of a friend’s entry:

    http://www.annalim.com/post/48513418/love-is-emotional-maturity-needed-to-deal-with

    Maybe the non-support is supposed to translate to wanting the other to grow? *shrug* It’s something I’ve little understanding of. I thought I pretty much had it down pat, but eh. I’m confused. Or it’s maybe just another imperfection?

    “Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It
    means you’ve decided to see life beyond the imperfections.
    So, don’t say you’re happy because everything is alright. Be
    happy because everything sucks but you’re just fine…”
    -anonymous”

    I’m starting to get frustrated that I keep molding my mindset based on theory. fwuck.

    Hey Abi, hope you find some answers. It’s not a black/white thing, so don’t rush. =)

  2. Abi Kwok said

    Love is emotional maturity needed to deal with disillusionment.
    It’s knowing your Other will not always save you, even if he can.
    And being okay with that.

    I like that 🙂

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